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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Need.Want.Love.

I came across an article and I find it pretty interesting. You can read it here: http://elitedaily.com/dating/difference-needing-wanting-loving-somebody/936704/
At first, the moment I read it, I can't stop agreeing with it and I feel each word and message that the author tries to deliver. 

A phrase from the text which make me wonder myself too.


"How do you know if you are still in love with someone, or if you're staying because of the familiarity?"


So this author came out with a summary where, 
"Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want." (Please read the post via the link above to understand more)
Then when I read the comments below the post, I have another thought in mind. There are few people that disagree with the post and came out with their own point of view. One of them said that,
There's nothing wrong with love that's safe or where you've lost some "insatiable want." That insatiable feeling is called infatuation, and fades naturally in ALL relationships. Love is about two people showing up as individuals, and choosing to love one another. To put the other first. To put forth effort to create the highest good in themselves and in the other. That's love. Working hard to make it work even when you aren't feeling it all the time and when challenges arise.

So now, what love really is? Someone raised a question. "What do you mean you love someone because you need or want them?" So does that mean that, you love your parents or a child too just because you need or want them? That made me out of words.

Another person came out with his view:
Love is not when you want what you need and need what you want. Wants and needs are selfish, it's acquiring, it's addictive, perfect for a consumer relationship. Looking out for an upgrade?

Love is giving, not taking. 

May I quote Timothy Keller and Kierkegaard on this: 

1. If you're in a relationship where you have to feel it and if you don't feel fine, if you don't feel loved, then you're out of the relationship. Really? Then you're a slave to your feelings. You're a puppet on a string. 
2. We make a promise because the relationship is more important than our feelings, needs and wants. 
3. When you're committed to a relationship in-spite of your feelings, deeper feelings grow.
Not to say that I'm being brainwashed by them or what, but logically thinking, I think they were right. If we tend to follow the advice written by the post author, we're just going to love one person after another. There won't be any long-term satisfaction or happiness because we're human and will fall short. Can't agree more. Don't you think so too? If you don't appreciate, you'll never have enough. Anyhow, I still truly agree with the first text. "Love is about two people showing up as individuals, and choosing to love one another. To put the other first. To put forth effort to create the highest good in themselves and in the other. That's love. Working hard to make it work even when you aren't feeling it all the time and when challenges arise". 

So in my point of view, it still has to be a two way street with both partners making an effort to make the relationship work. Someone once told me that, yes we have to work for the relationship, but ever if you feel it's a burden, it's not there anymore, then why waste rest of your life with someone you don't like? When you have to think about it, then it's a problem. He thinks that if a person need to try so hard to love then it's not love anymore. But hey bro, maybe you're right. But perhaps we wouldn't know if we didn't even try it. The way I see myself, I don't think I have put enough effort on it. So I can't judge by saying it's a burden or a problem because I didn't even attempt to salvage it yet. Because I still believe that, there is no one in the world who can love their partner purely on their feelings. It's a series of practicing unconditional love. If you don't work for the benefit of the marriage, sure you will lose interest and with time allow your feelings to turn to resentment. And then you can say that you don't love the person anymore but that's not how it's supposed to be. That's not love. And it's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it that makes the difference. :) But of course, there are always times in a relationship where you may not feel fine or loved, but if you're not feeling loved for an extended period of time, if you're putting in the effort while your partner is not, that's not a good relationship and I don't see anything wrong with considering ending it. But sometimes, we expect more from others, because we would be willing to do the same for them.


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