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Friday, October 28, 2016

I Can Miss You Like Hell, But That Won’t Make You Come Back

I think about you, a lot. Definitely a lot more than I’d like to admit.
I wish I could just forget about you and move the hell on with my life already, but it’s not that easy.
You see, you were a big part of my life. You weren’t just someone who passed through – at least that’s what I thought. You were there for me in ways other people lacked. You’d say the right things when I needed to hear them and you never gave me a reason to doubt you. You were my best friend, until you decided you no longer wanted to be part of my life.
Then you dropped me.
I guess that’s the part I’ll never truly understand.
How do you just go from being part of someone’s life to deciding that’s it, that you’re just over it and you can so easily walk away?
That’s what it was like with you.
Things were good, they were normal and then you were gone – just like that. It’s like it took no effort for you to decide you didn’t want to be part of my life anymore.
I guess I’ll just never understand.
And I’m okay with it. Hell – I have to be okay with it. I don’t really get a choice in the matter.
I tried to make things work between us, but you showed no effort and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t beg for attention from people who clearly didn’t want it anymore, and you didn’t want it. So I moved on, as much as it broke my heart you didn’t really give me another option.
It still hurts when I think about you, when I see other people post pictures with you or talk about you. That sting is still there and I just get quiet. People used to ask me about you, but they stopped. I can’t help but wonder what they know that I don’t.
Maybe we grew apart and I was too busy to even realize it. Or maybe we were only meant to be in each others lives for a short period of time, even when we envisioned a lifetime, or at least I envisioned lifetime.
That’s the thing about relationships, you can convince yourself of anything. You can tell yourself you are loved back and treated with compassion when you are in a toxic relationship. We believe what we want when our hearts on the line because no one wants to believe they are being used or treated poorly. No one wants to accept that they are receiving less than they deserve but Stephen Chbosky said it right when he said, we accept the love we think we deserve.
I know I deserve more than the silence between us. So I’ll let the silence remain between us and allow it to grow greater and thicker. I’ll leave the last unanswered text I sent you there as a reminder. I’ll take your name off of my favorites list and I won’t look back.
I can miss you like hell but that won’t make you come back.
Missing someone has never brought them back and at this point I’ve finally had enough of people’s half-hearted “love.”

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